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Are we Committed Enough?

In the past two workshops on "Mindful Habit Change," a constant factor kept coming up: commitment.

For most of us, the instant commitment that comes to mind is towards our habits, routines, and the possibility to transform our lives with little adjustments.

With Valentine's Day approaching (a glimpse of History of Valentine's Day), there is a complicated part to dedicate ourselves to somebody or the cause of love. In my view, it is a combination of understanding my tendencies and matching them with my partner or friend, which adds to the complexity.

Confirming that you are in a committed relationship has many meanings. The most significant that comes to my attention is to stick together through thick and thin, through health and sick, until death do us part, which isn't always easy and takes commitment above all. It doesn't mean we always have to say the kindest words and never to be upset. What I learned in my 15-year relationship with my partner-in-crime is that we need to understand ourselves first and why we act on specific situations to expand our interpretation on the other person. It is always easier to find the faults in the other people, and in my experience, it usually is a reflection of our flaws that we see in them, and that bothers us the most.

How is that possible? How is it my fault? Funny enough, usually the other person isn't bothered by what we point out. They are totally fine with that "fault," so it is our perception and expectation that affects us. It is the way we see and grew up with that makes us not like a particular aspect of the other person. Even though this post is about the commitment between two people, it comes back to our diligence to what we genuinely care about. For example, if we ask ourselves: "why does he/she not clean up after themselves?" This response might be because we grew up or taught ourselves to immediately take care of our dishes/clothes/paperwork, whatever the reasons might be.

The point of commitment and relationships is to ensure we comprehend the complexity of what happens behind the scenes. To commit to fail and be able to let go of expectations that no longer serve us — acknowledging that we stand in the way of our happiness. If we are fully committed to a person at this given time, even if that person is ourselves, we need to revisit our actions and verify that they are still relevant and up-to-date today. We change every day and so are our significant others. If we truly commit, let's make sure we commit all the way.

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