These balloons are a representation of who my dad was. Colorful, free, joyful, and following his own path. There are many ways we relate to the end of someone's life. What drives our experience in these brief moments is what was and can no longer be and happen. So much is staying in the past and will now take a new form in how we experience life and relate to a person we love so dearly.
In today's post, I want to share some new awarenesses I discovered as my life takes a new shape. Not knowing what will be different, how I will feel about the changes, and what else is there that we have yet to experience.
As I am moving through this delicate time and processing different thoughts, I can't resist the joy, pride, and gratitude that arises in me about the person I called "Père." Not to say that there haven't been numerous challenges upon us, and moments of frustration and misunderstanding. And as I am reflecting on it now, I see the lessons we both learned and the aha moments I witness now as well as the hard work I put into accepting my parents for who they are and profoundly appreciating how they show(ed) their love to me.
There are no moments we can hold so tightly, and they won't go anywhere or change. Everything in life is fleeting moments; no matter how incredible they are, they, too, will change. What this means to me is that instead of pondering and rethinking situations over and over, how someone wronged us or wished if only they got us. We could turn around and share what's on our minds & heart, let them know how they impacted us to be better people, and what we learned about ourselves in the making — not waiting around until someone else does it for us or says the things we want them to hear. Because maybe they, too, are only waiting for you to say it to them or aren't even thinking that something is missing. So why waste our time waiting on others when we can take action now and say what we want to hear? And risk that we will never hear or say these needed words to the people we love.
In this context, I took my advice a few years ago and adjusted my expectations to what I wanted to hear by sharing my experience, work, and appreciation with my parents. It allowed me to begin a journey to create this new relationship where my parents and I had no more expectations. Where the love we each revealed was just for what it was.
Even though it sounds like the perfect situation, it still takes practice. A small or big voice will always ask us, is this enough? Shouldn't there be more? Can I live with this? When these questions come up, instead of reassuring that they are true, we have the opportunity to deepen the other person's understanding, reflecting on their journey and experiences. We can see that yes, this is enough, there isn't more, and I can live with this because the person we are looking at has done what is possible for them. And we can be proud of ourselves for being able to give more.
And this is how I would love to conclude today's post, to remind us that we can give more, be more, and love more, and by showcasing this, more people will do the same, and if they aren't able to, they at least get to receive it from us.